at the bus stop

Whatever did we do before technology, as I blog this while waiting for my bus that I just realized will be another 30 minutes. Which had I realized early, I could have walked a little further to the Express Bus stop (that just drove past) however, I am carrying a 13.5 pound box and so I likely wouldn’t have done that anyway. I am also not sure I have the energy for that at this point since I have been called – more accurately yelled at from across the street – a nigger by a young Korean boy leaving school for the day. After which shortly thereafter I was greeted by an older Korean woman who then proceeded to violate my personal space by touching my hair. However, I am literally too exhausted to genuinely give a shit at this point and am simply trying not to explode into tears before I get behind my closed door.

As of today, I am officially emotionally overwhelmed. I have reached the precipice of my patience, pliability, and peace. Although I may have had no idea of what I was signing up for, I do not know what I did not and this ain’t it. I looked up homesick, however I am not confident that is it because I have no desire to go back there. I am committed to commitment, so 20 months to forge ahead. I am overflowing with questions, bursting at the seams, with seemingly absolutely no answers in sight – not a damn one.

So perhaps that falls under the umbrella of “what I signed up for” (or rather has fallen atop the umbrella crushing it to bits, unrecognizable) in life lessons. Perhaps this is part of the “what’s going to be different” category – same shit, different day or same shit, different me?

As of today, right now in this moment (in this past week), I have failed miserably. Although I would like to give myself a pass on account of what I have just had to deal with (see paragraph one), I will not since it’s not new shit, perhaps it can be the catalyst for new me.

(If you’re curious how in the world and/or why would I know the N word in Korean?! I looked it up on Google Translate. So I will just leave that there and as I delete it from my phone, pray for non racist translation tool references)


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